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Viltė Domkutė and2
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Every Thanksgiving celebration has two sides. One is all about the actual thanks giving, feeling grateful, and sharing these thoughts and the special atmosphere with your family and friends. The other side of the festivity is… Well, it’s your Uncle Jerome with his hairy nostrils, your Aunt Denise with marital advice, and the horde of fussy kids who think that a Thanksgiving meal is just horrible. Peas, peas everywhere! Oh, and don’t forget the fact of inevitable indigestion after you’ve gorged yourself on the turkey (and will continue to do so for a week after). Yet, however slightly unpleasant this side of Thanksgiving might be, as with everything slightly uncomfortable, it is an excellent ground for some good old funny jokes. And you wouldn’t believe just how accurate and relatable some of these Thanksgiving jokes are! That is, until you read them for yourself.
So, yeah, you definitely know what these cool jokes are going to be about. They’re about the aforementioned aunts and uncles, the large alien-looking bird that has settled on your plate now, and all the turmoil that is a regular family gathering. Even if you do all get along, hosting a dinner for, say, ten or twenty people who haven’t seen each other for a good chunk of the year is a happening that will most likely present a funny situation or two, which is then turned into a funny Thanksgiving joke to be shared with future generations. Yet, despite all the hassle and an occasional grumble, Thanksgiving is still one of our most beloved festivities of the year, with an atmosphere of togetherness unmatched by any other.
Anyway, let’s go to the jokes for Thanksgiving, shall we? You guessed it, they are just a bit further down, and you should definitely check them out. Be sure to rank the best Thanksgiving jokes by giving them your vote and share this article with the dinner attendees so you’ll have something to talk about if all else fails!
This post may include affiliate links.
What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
💀💀💀
What was the turkey thankful for on Thanksgiving?
Vegetarians.
Have fun.
What's the best song to play while cooking a turkey?
'All about that baste'.
Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
It had 24 carrots.
What? oh... wait.. 💀
What is something that describes both political talk and filling up your plate of food?
Choosing sides.
Down with the 1% now gimme some mashed potatoes
Mom: "Time to fix Thanksgiving dinner."
Kids: "Why, is it broken?"
Premium user. Get details.
That depends on on many drinks cousin Bobby has ingested so far.
Vegetables are a must on a diet even on Thanksgiving.
I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
But pumpkin is a fruit-🤓
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
Only one, but you have to really squeeze him in there.
Lol
What instrument does a turkey play?
The drumsticks!
overused drum sound plays
How does a roasted Turkey flirt?
"Hey, I just met you, and this is gravy, but here's my stuffing, so carve me maybe."
The hit song by Carly Rae Jepsen, but thankful
Why do turkeys hate Thanksgiving tables?
They're a fowl sight.
No, because dead turkeys are on there
How did the salt and pepper welcome all the guests?
By saying, "Seasoning's greetings!"
What's a potato's favorite game to play?
MASH.
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What makes every Thanksgiving meal extra-basic?
Pumpkin spice.
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Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving?
Your close group of Palgrims.
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What happens when cranberries get sad?
They turn into blueberries.
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Why did the farmer steamroll his potato field?
He wanted mashed potatoes.
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What do selfish people call Thanksgiving?
Thankstaking.
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Thanks, gimme all your money-Billionaires
What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
One has gobblers, the other goblins.
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What did the pie say to the fork?
"You want a piece of me?"
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Thanksgiving is the only holiday where you eat the mascot.
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Uhh.. not Santa, that would be cannibalism, not Jack O' Lanterns, hmm... not leprechauns, not Cupid... National Ice Cream Day! Hah!
I shot my first-ever turkey for Thanksgiving this year.
Sure scared everyone in the grocery store, though.
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I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie, but some people say that’s irrational.
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I ate an entire pie on Thanksgiving. It was transcendental. I couldn't find my pie tin though, so I made it in a cake pan. My pie are squared
What do jazz-lovers put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
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What do you call a running turkey?
Fast food.
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Why was the turkey put in jail?
The police suspected fowl play.
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What did the turkey say to the computer?
"Google, google."
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My grandma made mashed potatoes from a box. That's it. That's the joke.
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Why didn't the cook season the Thanksgiving turkey?
There was no thyme!
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Which holiday is Dracula's favorite?
Fangs-giving.
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What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
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What did Han Solo say to Luke Skywalker on Thanksgiving?
"May the forks be with you."
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Knock knock!
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body seen the turkey?
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Can a turkey jump higher than a house?
Yes, because houses can't jump!
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When do you serve rubber turkey?
Pranksgiving!
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What vegetables would you like with your Thanksgiving dinner?
Beets me!
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I'll have green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and CORN
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?
Puri-tan.
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What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain?
Pil-grimace.
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What did Dad say when he was asked to say grace?
"Grace."
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Thought he went to get the milk...
Why did Mom's turkey seasoning taste a little off last year?
She ran out of thyme.
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How can you unlock the greatest Thanksgiving experience ever?
By making sure to bring the tur-key.
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With Coronavirus being a possible concern this year, what's likely to be the most popular side dish?
Masked potatoes.
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Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner?
He was ready for a roast.
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The day after the holiday, what did the fridge say when it was asked, "Is everything alright over here?"
"No, everything is all leftover here!"
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What did the sweet potato say when it was asked if it was hungry?
"Yes, I yam."
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If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
Scholar ships.
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What can you call your brother who falls asleep after dinner?
Your napkin.
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What does your uncle say when he's had too much to drink?
"I've got my beer gobbles on!"
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What don't you want to wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A white shirt or high-waisted pants.
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What's a turkey without feathers called?
Thanksgiving dinner.
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What’s the difference between a cranberry farmer and a pirate?
Pirates bury their treasure and cranberry farmers treasure their berries.
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What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
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How are a turkey, a donkey, and a monkey alike?
They all have keys.
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Why do turkeys lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they would break.
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What’s a decent term for constipation after Thanksgiving?
Turkey is in a state of limbo.
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What do you call a stuffed animal?
You, after Thanksgiving.
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What's the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving?
On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.
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Who remembers 2016 👇
When did the Pilgrims first say, "God bless America?"
The first time they heard America sneeze.
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What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
"Quack, Quack!"
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What key has legs and can't open a door?
A turkey.
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You know you overdid it at Thanksgiving when you thought the serving size for turkey was one.
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What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost?
A poultry-geist.
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What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.
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What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish?
Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.
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What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
"If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
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Why did the cranberries turn red?
Because they saw the turkey dressing.
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What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A har-vest.
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What's a turkey's favorite Thanksgiving food?
Nothing — it's already stuffed.
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What kind of noise does a limping turkey make?
"Wobble, wobble."
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Knock knock!
Who's there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I don't drink and eat this much!
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My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey.
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Why do turkeys love rainy days?
They love fowl weather.
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Why do turkeys gobble?
Because they never learned table manners.
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Why do turkeys only star in R-rated movies?
Because they use fowl language.
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Will I eat leftovers for a week?
I cran, and I will.
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What's one thing that you'll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving?
You'll both be filled with stuffing.
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What kind of 'tude is appropriate at the family dinner?
Gratitude.
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What's something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
A family member giving you the bird.
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Why were the beans accused of being jealous of the other side dishes?
They were so green.
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On Thanksgiving, what does Dad have in common with an exhausted baseball player?
They're both likely to fall asleep between plates.
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If Pilgrims were still alive, what would they be known for?
Their age.
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How can you incorporate some hip-hop into your family's gathering?
Bring some Salt-N-Pepa.
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What's the forecast for Thanksgiving, regardless of what the meteorologist says?
Sweater weather.
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What did the aunt say to her sulking son on Thanksgiving?
"You're looking a little (Pil)grim."
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It's already Thanksgiving again, because time flies — even if turkeys don't.
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What dish makes the worst jokes at a Thanksgiving dinner?
The corny bread.
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If things go wrong with Thanksgiving dinner, don't lose your head. The turkey already did that for you.
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What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving?
Twerk-ey!
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What does a pumpkin like to read?
Pulp fiction.
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Be nice to your cranberry sauce or it'll turn into blueberry sauce.
Report
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dishes!
Dishes who?
Dishes a very bad Thanksgiving joke!
Report
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Handsome.
Handsome who?
Handsome gravy to me, please.
Report
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
Pilgrammar.
Report
What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Report
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving for what?
Thanks giving us this turkey.
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Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!
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What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!
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Why did the apple pie cry?
Its peelings were hurt.
Report
What should be the aim of Thanksgiving dinner?
"Gobble till you start to wobble.”
Report
What do you get if an octopus is crossed with Turkey?
A drumstick for everyone.
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She turned to the stock boy and asked,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
"No, ma'am," he replied. "They're dead."
Report
How do you win an argument with your family at Thanksgiving during pandemic?
Hit the “End Meeting” button.
Report
What did the obstetrician say when Thanksgiving was ready?
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
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Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.
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What do you call a turkey’s evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
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Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
He sensed fowl play.
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Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had his own drumsticks.
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Why shouldn't you sit next to a turkey at dinner?
Because he will gobble it up.
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What's blue and covered in feathers?
A turkey holding its breath.
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Why did the turkey cross the road?
He wanted people to think he was a chicken.
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You know you overdid it on Thanksgiving when you cut yourself shaving and you bleed gravy.
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Why didn't the pilgrim want to make the bread?
It's a crummy job.
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What do you a call the age of a pilgrim?
Pilgrimage.
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Why do pilgrims' pants always fall down?
Because they wear their buckles on their hats!
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What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving?
Lucky!
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What sound does a turkey's phone make?
Wing wing wing!
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What's the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook?
Pil-gram.
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Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't a chicken.
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What smells the best at the Thanksgiving meal?
Your nose.
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Why did the turkey go to the plastic surgeon right before Thanksgiving?
To get a breast reduction.
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What does every mom want to make on Thanksgiving?
Dinner reservations.
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My husband doesn't think housework is a full-time job. So for Thanksgiving, I served him a raw turkey because revenge is a dish best served cold.
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What time do families sit down to Thanksgiving dinner?
Halftime.
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When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
When you're looking at a dictionary.
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What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus?
Gobbleheads.
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What do you call a holiday dinner without the parents?
Friendsgiving.
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What is a pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
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Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving?"
Little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
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How do you fix a cracked pumpkin pie?
With a pumpkin patch.
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How many cranberries grow on a bush?
All of them.
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Why did the pumpkin pie cross the road?
It saw a fork up ahead.
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How did the turkey reach our home for Thanksgiving dinner?
He took the gravy train!
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What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?
"I liked the leftovers before they were cool."
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A new survey found that 80% of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying 'that smells good' to be helping.
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What happened when the cannibal showed up late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He got the cold shoulder.
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How do little pumpkins cross the road?
With a crossing gourd.
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If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one?
A goblet.
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What kind of weather does a turkey like?
Fowl weather.
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What did the leftover turkey say?
"Make me a sandwich!"
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What side dish do you bring for Thanksgiving dinner when you accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes?
Squash casserole.
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What's a turkey's favorite dessert?
Peach gobbler!
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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
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What's John Wayne's favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving, Pilgrim.
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Knock knock!
Who's there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara we'll eat all the leftovers!
Report
What do turkeys do on Sunday?
Have peck-nics.
Report
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What did pilgrims use to bake cookies?
May-flour.
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What makes Thanksgiving go as smoothly as possible?
When everyone has been given a designated (casse)role.
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How do you tell the difference between turkeys and chickens?
Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.
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What can never be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
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What glass do turkeys drink wine from?
Gobblets.
Report
What's the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth!
Report
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Author, Community member
Viltė is a SEO List curator here at Bored Panda. She graduated in Applied Photography, so is no stranger to visual and artistic content. Despite her professional path, she also loves watching TV series, even could binge watch them all day long. Viltė also owns a pet crab at home, named Pūkis - Fluffy (spoiler alert: he's not fluffy at all).
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Author, Community member
Viltė is a SEO List curator here at Bored Panda. She graduated in Applied Photography, so is no stranger to visual and artistic content. Despite her professional path, she also loves watching TV series, even could binge watch them all day long. Viltė also owns a pet crab at home, named Pūkis - Fluffy (spoiler alert: he's not fluffy at all).
Author, BoredPanda staff
Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!
Read less »
Author, BoredPanda staff
Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!
Call me whatever you like but jokes at the expense of a once living creature that didn't want to be murdered are disgusting. And all for a holiday that isn't as virtuous as most people think.
These jokes are just fowl...
Call me whatever you like but jokes at the expense of a once living creature that didn't want to be murdered are disgusting. And all for a holiday that isn't as virtuous as most people think.
These jokes are just fowl...
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